DVR and My Continuing Descent Into Insanity

Right now I have five episodes of Lost sitting on my DVR and waiting for me to watch them. FIVE. That’s a lot of backlog, especially for a show I looked forward to watching every week and never waited longer than a day or two to watch the latest episode. So why am I behind so many episodes? Well, let me tell you my entirely irrational and not very good reasons. I can’t stand Juliet. Can’t. stand. her. The first episode I haven’t watched yet is her backstory. So I can’t make myself watch it, and therefore can’t watch the rest of the episodes until I watch that one. Honestly, this is completely ridiculous. I’ve watched the show since the beginning and disliked plenty of the characters and it never hindered my viewing. So wtf is wrong with me now? I don’t dislike Juliet any more than I disliked anyone else!  I think I’m just going to have to suck it up and watch it. If I can even remember what is going on since it’s been so long since I’ve watched now!

What’s up with that, Wilco???

Let me just preface this by saying that I love Wilco so much. I’m super excited because they finally added some St. Louis dates to their tour and we got our tickets last week. So tonight I got to wondering things like who will be opening for them at the show. I did a little googling and couldn’t find anything. That’s when I was struck with the brilliant idea of looking on their myspace site. So I go to MY myspace because I’m myspace friends with them. Yes, I realize that does not make us actual friends, but bands send out bulletins with good info sometimes. Shaddup. Anyway, when I went to click on them in my friends list, THEY WERE NOT THERE. Gone. No longer was I myspace friendsies with Wilco. Now I’m concerned because what band with 2039482093842 friends actually goes through and deletes their friends?? I had to do something pretty bad! I haven’t been phished lately so I couldn’t have been sending them crazy comments about getting a free purse at Macy’s or checking out the nekkid pics of JoJo at the crazy party 2 weeks ago. (Note: I was not at a crazy party 2 weeks ago) I didn’t TP their houses or egg their cars. I haven’t even gone so far as to have a bad thought about them! All seems to be well now because I sent a new request and was refriended a couple of seconds later. I am still baffled though. What if the next step is taking away my concert tickets?! :O Whatever it was, Wilco, I’m sorry. I hope we can remain myspace BFF’s forevah and evah. Write back soon. LYLAS!

Re: Birthday Cake

My birthday was Wednesday. That’s right. I had a pretty fabulous birthday. All kinds of things went into making it awesome, including some great presents, lots of drinks, good times with my friends, and lunch that was yum with coworkers. One of the best parts, though, was the delicious cake from Duke’s Bakery. The amount of tastiness this cake possessed is beyond description. Just wow. It was white cake. With chocolate frosting. It said “Happy birthday, Colleen” on it. How does it get any better than that?? Anyway, for the last 2 hours of work today, all I could think about was going home and having a slice of delicious leftover birthday cake. When I got here? NO CAKE. The cake was gone. Somebody ate my effing cake. I looked everywhere, thinking to myself “certainly nobody would eat the last piece of my birthday cake! How could anyone ruin my life by doing this?” I can guarantee this is true because Kim was on the phone with me at the time and had to hear me question the audacity of the cake-eater approximately 7 to 12 times. Who would do that? I knew my niece and nephew were here today. I love those kids, but the thought of my last piece of cake just having the icing licked from the surface and then thrown away like a pile of coffee grounds made me sad in a way that I don’t even like to think about. I looked in the oven, the microwave, every single cabinet, every nook and cranny of the fridge AND freezer. I even looked in the breadbox. FINALLY my mom saved the day when she told me the last piece of cake was hidden in a tupperware container which was hidden in a bowl which was hidden on the top shelf of the cabinet all the way at the end of the counter. Like nesting dolls with the best surprise ever when you get to the last one! Somehow the search made the cake taste even that much better. I also got tickets today to see Radiohead. There aren’t many stories with endings as happy as this. And so, to illustrate the joy this story’s end brings me, I leave you with possibly the most wonderful birthday image ever created, which Josh made for me on my very special day. It’s even better than cake!

Dear SIUE,

 Dear SIUE,

First of all let me start by saying that I really appreciate you closing the campus yesterday during that horrible snow storm that we had. It was really considerate of you. I especially appreciated the fact that you texted my phone at 5:00 a.m. to let me know of this closure. It really got my day off to a productive start.

I am, however, wondering what you did with your day off. One would think that you would have used this free time to clean off the campus roads and parking lots…maybe even throw out some salt. I guess you chose not to do this though. Instead you just pushed all of the snow into the two rows of Parking Lot A that have parking meters and went about your business. Lets be honest….why would someone want to park in a metered parking space close to the building they are going to when they could park in a red lot and walk the three miles across the lots that you didn’t bother to salt.

Now I am not blaming you for the horrific, ego shattering, face plant of a fall that I took this morning. I don’t hold you accountable for the miserable hour I spent taking notes in the lecture hall wearing wet jeans and a hoodie that were covered with weird tiny gravel pieces. I am sure it was my eagerness to get to my Bio lecture that made me walk less than cautiously across the lot and ended with this pain in my shoulder that radiates all the way through my wrist.

So thank you SIUE for not making me go to school yesterday. I can only hope that you will be as understanding and not make me go to school when I inevitably have to have rotator cuff surgery in the near future.

Sincerely,

Kim

Like a bird?

More like a turd. Ms. Hanky the Coppertone Poo.

 

What in the world happened to Nelly Furtado? She looks like she just rolled out of a gangbang into this low-rent Rami Kashou number. Ugh.

 

It seems like just yesterday she was my sweet little Canadian song bird, and now… yick. I’m all for re-invention, pushing envelopes and all that, but come on. You start off as the irrelevant, oversexed rump-shaker and end up the bright, folksy artist with something to say. Dumbass has it backwards.

 

I blame Timbaland. 

 

God Hates Fred

Okay, maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but I’ll bet the Almighty is none too pleased with the shenanigans of this first class ass hat. Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church are the God Hates Fags people. You know, the big-hearted lot that picketed Matthew Shepard’s funeral several years ago and have since since moved on to picket the funerals of American soldiers. But hey – they’re just doing the Lord’s work, right? It’s in the Bible! The lost book of Moronicus 1:1 clearly states “And all ye in-breds shall rise up and be Meany McMeanersons to the gays. Oh, and to the soldiers, too. I know none of this makes any sense, but I’m God. Now STFU and git ta hatin’!”

 

Well, it seems old Fred’s yard sale tables are about to be turned. Coming soon to a Westboro Baptist Church near you – The Million Fag March! A peaceful protest is planned for March 30th outside of Fred’s very own WBC in Topeka, Kansas. Brilliant. You can RSVP, donate, or find out more about the MFM on their website or their myspace page. 

 

Now, I know this is supposed to be a non-violent protest, but let’s get real. If one of those hillbillies gives the stink-eye to the wrong drag queen, it’s toodeloo Topeka. When the glitter clears, nothing will remain but a smattering of rainbows, corn cob pipes, size 14 heels and the faint scent of Stetson. 

Oh, hells no!

 

 

Somebody call PETA, PETU, XENU, whoever! This unicorn needs your help! The mere presence of this magnificent creature in Mariah Carey’s breasts’ new video absolutely constitutes unethical treatment. Unicorns are here to be revered, admired, adored and to facilitate the adornment of ill-fitting sweatshirts with their glittery likenesses, not to be ogled, molested and manipulated into appearing in the music videos of large-bosomed pop disasters.

I leave you with a link to Ms. Carey’s video and further evidence of her wanton disregard for one of our world’s rarest, most treasured forms of magical, mystical life. I know this is not easy to watch, but it’s important that we all bear witness.

   

Click!

 

Random Friday Afternoon Blog

I know all two of the people that read this can’t wait to find out what’s going on with my uvula.  The swelling apparently was not a result of snoring and I really do have some kind of weird sore throat thing going on.  This is self-diagnosis of course, but the couple of times the snoring/uvula thing happened before, it always disappeared within a few hours.  So that can only mean two things:  I am either actually sick, or there is indeed a ping pong ball lodged in my throat. 

 Anyway, I’ve managed to work a grand total of two days this week, and I’m angry about working today.  The part of me that is logical understands that this is a place of biznaz that can’t just shut down because everywhere else in the county is closed, but let’s face it, that part of me is a very very minuscule part of me.  The rest of me is bitter like a petulant child because I don’t feel good and want to be at home in my pj’s and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. Is it too much to ask that we close down an entire company so I can get some rest and not have to use any PTO? Do not answer that honestly. I mean that.

Priceless Quote

My sister may be my favorite person in the whole world.  This is due in part to the fact that she has a wonderful habit of saying very random but priceless quotes (some of you may be familiar with the dragon controversy).  Tonight she delivered yet again while we were watching the classic Bravo television show, Make Me a Supermodel.  Casey had just revealed that his biggest fear was snakes only to learn that the next photoshoot involved being put in a large box with a huge snake.  Upon seeing this my sister’s reply was, “My biggest fear is tornadoes, they can’t put me in a box with a tornado.” 

Priceless.

Yuck!

I had to stay home from work sick today with the dreaded flu. The flu stuff started in the middle of the night last night, but this morning I also awoke to a brand new horror. Apparently I was snoring so hard last night that it made my uvula swell up to a ginormous size. Ugh. It feels like there is a ping pong ball lodged in my throat, and it’s not comfortable. Trust. Now I have all these weird fears of doing something stupid like trying to actually swallow my uvula in my sleep. I’m not sure what would happen with that, but whatever it is, it can’t be good.

UPDATE:  OMG My mom just called me on the phone and I can’t even talk right.  I hope this crap is gone by tomorrow.  Stupid snoring.